A Very Special Legislative Session | Full Frontal with Samantha Bee | TBS
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A Very Special Legislative Session | Full Frontal with Samantha Bee | TBS


Hi. I’m Samantha Bee. Welcome to Full Frontal. Last month, Americans,
in their wisdom, elected a leaky whoopee cushion
full of expired cottage cheese who threatens to erode
the very foundations of our liberal democracy. But freaked-out
liberals have responded by threatening to erode
the very foundations of our liberal democracy. OK, go team. Good energy. You’re kicking the ball
toward the wrong goal, but hey, you showed hustle. Also, the game was
over in November. It’s also over for North
Carolina Governor Pat McCrory, but he just keeps
fighting from whatever Holiday Inn Express Business
Center he’s holed up in. During the last three months,
North Carolina’s citizens have experienced some of
the worst natural disasters in our state’s history. And that’s why I’m
calling our General Assembly to a special session. A special session
to address disasters, mainly the disaster
of a Democrat being elected governor. Ironically, it’s the
first natural disaster North Carolinians can
legitimately blame on tolerance for LGBT people. Republican lawmakers are
currently using an emergency surprise session to pass
a whole bunch of bills to strip power from the
incoming Democratic governor just before his term
starts on January 1st. Introducing measures to
end the governor’s control over election boards, to
require state senate approval of the new governor’s
cabinet members, and to strip his
power to appoint University of North
Carolina trustees, among many other measures. McCrory also replaced
all the gubernatorial Cokes with RC Cola, and
accidentally on purpose let the possums into his office. Welcome, Governor Cooper. Most people might think that
this is a partisan power grab. What? Only people with
eyes and ears that are connected to
their think box. I mean, sure, it’s a little
odd that, before signing any new law, Governor
Cooper will be required to get a transvaginal
ultrasound, but that’s just so he can
hear the bill’s heartbeat. Democrats reacted
by being really psyched about getting
arrested, and by making their voices heard. Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame. Shame. OK, fantasy nerds, maybe
don’t take your chant from a TV show about
political intrigue and barbaric power grabs. I mean, you do remember what
the person who was being shamed ended up doing, right? [EXPLOSION] Don’t give McCrory any ideas. And as for appealing
to North Carolina Republicans’ sense of shame,
have you all met them? Hey, guess what, y’all, next
thing you know, you’ll say there’s gambling in Casablanca. I mean, come on. Hey, no, comedy is my job. You don’t tell jokes,
I won’t come down there and take voting rights
away from black people. That is North Carolina GOP
executive director Dallas Woodhouse, whose own brother
called him out on Twitter, and whose mama is so
sick of this shit. Now we’ll go to Joy in
Raleigh, North Carolina. Good morning to
you, Joy]. Hey, somebody from down south. Well, you’re right
I’m from down south. Oh god, it’s Mom. And I’m your mother. And I disagree that all
families are like ours. I don’t know many families that
are fighting at Thanksgiving. Is this really your mother? It’s my mom. Of course, that
was back in 2014. Since then, Dallas
has stacked the family with five more Republicans
so he can win every argument. Suck it, mom. People can like it. They may not like
it, but this is what you have in a state that
divides power and takes a very discerning look on
executive authority and has done since
the King George times. Oh my god, oh my god, this
is a preview of the King Trump times, isn’t it? You know, what Dallas means
is, it’s not my fault, Democrats started it. You see, in 1972, when
Republican Jim Holshouser was elected governor,
Democratic lawmakers shifted some of his powers
to the lieutenant governor, Democrat Jim Hunt, but
then stripped powers away from the lieutenant governor
when Republican Jim Gardner got that office, leaving
Governor Jim Martin– Jesus Christ, why so many Jims? What are they, late night hosts? Now, in fact, governors
Jim Martin and Jim Hunt both condemned this
lame duck power grab, but Pat McCrory
signed SB4 anyway, because fuck everything. And there’s not a lot
Democrats can do about it, because respecting
the will of voters is more of a norm than a law. We’re gonna exercise the
power granted under the North Carolina constitution. Is there anything in
the constitution that says we can’t wrap the
incoming governor in duct tape and stick him where birds poop? No. Well, giddy up. But lawmakers are supposed
to be democratically elected, and that is where things
get a little dicey. Republicans only
have the power to push these changes
through because they have a super majority in both
houses, which they have been able to hold onto
because of the way they drew the state’s
legislative districts. Earlier this year, a court ruled
that North Carolina’s districts are, quote, racially
gerrymandered, and unconstitutional as such. And while the districts
are being redrawn, new elections won’t
come until next year. Until then, some of those
Republican legislators have about as much right to pass
laws in North Carolina as I do. Cool. I move that all tampons be free,
and that every Confederate flag in the state be replaced with
posters of “Gilmore Girls.” I second the motion.
It passes. Yay! The states truly are
laboratories of democracy, in that some of them
are working hard to cure democracy like it’s a virus. That is what happens
when we don’t read local news because it’s
not on our Facebook feed. While Democrats are busy signing
petitions and frantically googling the word
emoluments, savvy Republicans get elected to the
statehouse, shut the door, and go hog fucking wild
until one day you wake up and wonder, hey, where’d
the Planned Parenthood go? And why is my tap
water so thick? So, if you’re looking for
a place to put your energy, stop trying to overturn
a national election and start working
on a local election. They matter. This guy won by
just 10,000 votes, and he’s taped to a statue. But look what he
announced today. A special session will
be called for Tuesday to repeal House Bill 2 in full. Yes, pee wherever you
want, North Carolinians. You earned it. We’ll be right back. [CHEERING] [MUSIC PLAYING]

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