Hey, what are you doing for lunch today? I was thinking about going to the Fed Soc lunch, you wanna come? Don’t you get kinda creepy vibes from those guys, though? I don’t know what you’re talking about. OK, let’s do it. 1Ls can’t you see? We’re balling. So listen up: the right is calling. The welfare state— appalling. We all despise liberal lies. Let’s circumvent big government by following original intent. In class blazers on. We’re backing Rand, but we’re missing Ron. Can we feed you now? Grab a bag of free chips we’re well supplied. Fed Soc is stocked for your hunger. Use our food to distract you from our lies. Libertarian views are our favorite topics. All the bigwigs we schmooze, they all know what Fed Soc is. I bring Ayn Rand with me to bed. She makes me spurt from my Fountainhead. Reagan gives me sensations. Far right won’t back down. Obamacare? Gonna take it down. Using ad law now. To Scalia’s dissent we give applause. So caustic we choke on laughter ‘Cause it’s Congress’s job to write the laws. Voting rights, women’s choice— if it’s liberal we’ll block it. Giving freedom a voice, yeah you know what Fed Soc is. Don’t you mess with Fed Soc, kids! Guns. Guns! Judges please come to grips, your hands are tied. From logic you will discover with the framer’s intent you must comply. Madison’s words ring true, though he’s dead he still rocks it! While you’re licking your lips we feed you lies. Join Fed Soc, we will outnumber! Our conspiracy stretches nationwide. We’re at every law school, you all know what Fed Soc is! Indoctrinate you now, with Scalia now. Textualism now! Liberals in prison now. Indoctrinate you now. Textualism now! We have got good chow.