I’m trying to figure that out,
honestly. I don’t know if I’ll ever
completely get this or be, like, Mr. 30 Years in Recovery. I really don’t know. All I know is,
I don’t want to die from this, and if I’m not helping myself,
I can’t help other people. ♪♪ Allie: Someone needs to
tell Frankie that they
know what’s going on, that he needs to get help. You can’t just love someone
to death or just watch them
and not say anything. You’re contributing to it,
you know, and that’s what
I have been doing, so it’s time to say
something to Frank. ♪♪ How are you doing…
Good. …with your taper?
Good. Are you still tapering or no?
I-I haven’t started the taper. I start it tomorrow night. You’re definitely not doing
that good on them. They’re fucking
with my health. They’re fucking
with my sanity… Yeah.
…my sleep. Smoke a cigarette
and throw up. Like, they’re
making me nauseous. I don’t like it, man. I don’t want to rely
on something. Nobody’s perfect,
and, like, people are dealing
with all their own shit, but they’re also always
focusing on themselves. Most people aren’t like you,
who care about the world. Like, you carry the world
on their shoulders, like I do. Mm-hmm.
And, like, it’s not healthy. Doing something for me is,
like, going to sleep. I get it.
I’m fucking over it. I sit in my car for hours
just to be on my phone, alone, where no one will bother me.
Yeah. I want to help people. I don’t
want to work in treatment. And I’ve been saying
that shit for years, but people are like, “No, no.
Just do this or work here.” Well, work’s nothing,
Frankie. Work is fucking stupid.
It is something. I’m — I’m fucking tired
of working in treatment. Nobody hears me say that.
I’m done with this shit. I think it would be a good idea
just to take time off. Yeah,
that’s what I want to do. I’m gonna try
and make some changes. Maybe you should also, and think about
getting Frankie back. Why don’t you go to detox? I thought about it,
but I don’t really need detox. You go, you get off.
I’m coming off —
I mean, it’s Subs. I’m coming off
two weeks of Subs, you know. Well, you go somewhere
where no one can talk to you, and, like, if you keep
getting fucked up, you’re never gonna be
able to hold any job. Like, I’m not worried
about that right now. I’m just worried about me
being me and feeling like me. You know what I mean?
Yeah. If this turns into
some intervention bullshit, I’m leaving. I swear to fucking on Christ,
I’m not doing that shit. Fuck that. I’m done.
Take the sound off me. Fuck this shit. I don’t want to make it, like,
a fucking big deal either. You know what I mean?
-It’s, like, fucking… But I do want to see
you get better, Frank. I think they just want you
to be straight. I’ll be straight
in like two weeks, like, off of Subs. Make me go to detox — no. I go when I’m ready.
-Hey. You have my go-to
nail-polish color on your feet. Yeah.
Oh, I got to get them done. That’s why that shit
looks familiar. What’s going on? Oh, we’re just talking about
getting off Suboxone and the taper and if maybe
I should go to detox or do the taper.
You know what I mean? You can ask everyone’s opinion,
but you know it’s got to be what you feel
is gonna work for you. Well, I-I know.
I feel like just doing the taper at home’s gonna work,
but a lot of — Like, a lot of people are
suggesting that I go to detox, so I’m weighing out
the options, you know? I don’t want
to rely on something. Okay. Does it make you
at least not get high? It makes me not get high,
but miserable as fuck all day. I work in treatment. I’m helping people.
Okay. But at the end of the day,
if I don’t take my medication, I’m just as dope-sick
as they are. I feel like
a fucking hypocrite. Quit beating yourself up because
you chose to go that route. I don’t feel good about it. I don’t feel good
about myself on it. Right now, I just feel like
a fucking hypocrite. Well, you would feel
more like hypocrite if you were getting high. I feel the same.
Honestly, Mom. My clients are shooting dope
every day so they’re not dope-sick.
It’s, like… The uncommon denominator is, you know what you’re taking, and you’re not
gonna die from it. Right, but I don’t need
to be taking it. That’s what I’m saying.
You’re — You keep being like…
-I’m not — I’m not — You keep making it
about the Subs and, like, work and stuff,
but the thing is… I’m not — I’m not telling you
not to take it. I don’t care what people say.
I don’t care what people think. I feel like
a fucking hypocrite, and I think that’s why
I’m so irritable and miserable. I’m gonna let you guys
talk for a minute. Love you.
Son needs his ma. I’m just stressed out
with life, Mom. I just… You feel maybe you’re
a little overwhelmed? [ Train approaching ] It — It’s not… [ Speaking indistinctly ] [ Train chugging loudly ]