Concepts of Federalism
I was fluffing before I even knew what narcissism was. I noticed the reaction my ex narc would have to talking about himself and compliments.
I did this with a previous boss. And I actively do this with my mother. It does feel kinda gross. And I am exhausted. I only do it, when I HAVE to and I have the energy to do it. Usually after the exchange, I physically shiver and pretend to shake and wipe it off
I used something like this to trick my way out of the relationship. It was great when he realised afterwards that he'd been played. He was so so put out 🙂
Having always known/seen that this works, and knowing exactly the kind of fluff that works with this particular person, I am completely unable to do it…anymore…being inauthentic is so totally not my thing and fluffing works but it is oh so painful, feels like giving up a part of yourself, I am near tears just listening to this.
:)) That's precisely how it is.
They'll always want more,it's never enough..They'll drain you of all your positivity..and when you cant keep up reinforcing them,and your tired,and need to take care of yourself,they'll turn negative to get their required attention. They like taking you down..yes I've tried fluffing,to be able to survive,although I didnt know thats the terminolgy,and just did ut automatically as it was required to get to the next part where I was able to get away and needed time to plan that exit safely,even when I was messed up..,it's horrible..but works temporarily..till you can get away from them..and then breathe again..and regain your strength,and heal..might as well find another job where you can be happy..who wants to spend their life like this. They still turn on you..they see you as weak..they like admiration,but they still chew you up and spit you out,anyway..
Yes do it all the time because he EXPECTS it. You can feel that he is waiting for it. Other times he responds to a praise dismissively or just agrees with me 🤪
Not fluffing an abuser. Removing myself. But understand to get through short term circumstance. But I’m Fluffed out from a lifetime of these personalities
Yes… Unconsiously I found this technique out with my mother growing up… And yes I've used it in my romantic narc relationships.. And I did feel gross/fake/manipulative… Yes it's a survival strategy, almost like being held hostage by an agressive bank robber, trying to keep them calm so they dont start shooting people… 😥
Seriously just the thought of this makes my stomach turn 🤮🤮🤢 No way could I do this !
Indian liein beach
My older sister is a fluffer to our narcissistic mother. I as a kid refused to fluff I call it kiss her ass. I probably could of fluffed a little and saved myself all the beatings. But I just wouldn't do it. Still to this day can't play that game with her. But I see where this could of helped me. Oh well
What can be done to just get away from a narcissist Completely? I'm sick of this shit altogether.
now I know that Im not narcissistic lol cause I find compliments creepy , I smile and thank the person but don't feel nice but wait Im diagnosed bipolar so I believe that anyone who compliments me must lie or got it terribly wrong p.e. bff says "you look pretty" outside I say "thank you you are so kind you are even more" inside I say "you are pretty but me no , you certainly need glasses" and I mean it.
As a child I knew I could've done this but felt really icky and enabling, now as an adult once evrery 2 months maybe I do it, this morning I congratulate my narc egg donor on her very FIRST savings acount at almost 80 years of age… (!?!?!!!) she has asked everyone for money since… forever… me included… It's a miracle, folks 🥳 !
The Art Of Bullshit basically lol
Its true, my narc mother is extremely easy to trick. One time I had smoked marijuana (over 21 and it is legal) and my mom had smelled it off of me. My dad already knows I smoke from time to time but doesn't tell my mom because I am an adult and he knows my mom could use it against me. However this specific day my mom told my dad that she smelled it off of me and my dad was like "I honestly didn't smell anything". And right after my mom was like "huh maybe I'm just smelling things" I was so surprised that my mom doubted her own judgment so easily. I was expecting her to put up a fight. I just couldn't believe that someone could doubt their judgment so fast even though the evidence was right in front of their face.
yes… I've done it… When you think something is wrong you go to Dr. Google… then you find Sam Vaknin… then… you obsessively listen… AND you just might catch the 'fragile narcissist' comments… start delving deep. Then… if you don't listen to enough and don't get the message in time… you TELL the narc you think they're a narc, you're a codependent and you can get therapy (like I said… you didn't learn enough so you don't know there actually isn't a long-term cure and you're fucked, basically)…
they reject the therapy thing… this is your first sign you're on the right track… especially if they say… Oh… I knew more than the therapist. DING DING DING…
so… then if you're lucky in your obsessive learning… you found The Little Shaman… and she told you about the grey rock and NO JADE… don't justify, argue, defend or explain…
so… yes… I tried fluffing when I was using it to deflect every attack or accusation or 'constructive criticism' that came my way. It totally worked. They didn't keep going on and on… and this was part of the grey rock. I just didn't give them the emotional reaction when attacking me. BUT BOY OH BOY did I fluff. Only regarding positive reinforcement.
it was my OH MY FUCKING GOD I'm in a relationship with a covert narcissist moment.
so… yup… you MUST FLUFF in order to survive and buy some time. You can't do it too much… they know something is up because you're just not defending yourself much anymore… however… they're so full of themselves they actually think you've come around and are total putty in their hands. BRACE YOURSELVES… you are. This is why Dr. Ramani is right… you just can't do it for very long.
imagine if you didn't realize this was a coping strategy to get out… and you used it to stay in. That's ultimately their goal. So…. YOU WILL PREVAIL as long as YOU are the one that is PRESENT, HERE AND NOW, and IN CONTROL of your own emotions…
Good luck, people.
Being with a narcissist is amazing… damn… we ALL know it. Life will be less colorful… and a lot more PEACEFUL without them. Take the time you need to SLOWLY reintegrate into life…
So one needs to learn and practice the narsasistic behaviors toward the narcasist. Ill stick to Gods word thanks…
Fluffing makes them loose total interest if done right. They must know it's not genuine because doesn't really feed them but they can't find fault for having recieved what they are looking for. I've done this so many times and then they never talk to me again but don't cause me any further harm. It is a brilliant strategy. They go away… it does leave a hangover… because it leaves me feeling a bit drained and they never come back to fill me back up again.
My girlfriend is really good at this with her malignant narcissistic husband. I used to ask her why she says ‘love you, miss you’ when he is so emotional abusive. After this video I asked her to help me fluff because I truly can’t stand my manipulative and wicked husband but I need to get self sufficient and on my feet after 20yrs of abuse.
Yes "fluffing" works in the short term But Done without mindfulness it will "chip away at your soul". I know from personal experience. I have 65 years of experience (my whole life) with this. It can be a confusing life strategy that feeds your own self loathing. I have learned that, other relationships will suffer (friendships especially) if you take this strategy on for too long because it reflects negatively on you, not on the narcissist. Your confidants eventually ask themselves questions like: "If they can do/ say that to them, are they doing it to me?" Also, Eventually You the victim start needing constant validation. I have found that even journaling in order that you might keep this straight in your own head and keep your short term goal for this "soul sucking" behavior is for one thing dangerous because you may be found out by your perpetrator and secondly can eventually reflect back to you a very broken down, weakened sick, hopelessly lost person.OMG! Even finding a Therapist that "gets it" is an awful experience as there are more "clueless", poorly trained or inexperienced and possibly damaging Therapists to weed through. What I have found to work is Exactly what Dr Ramani is suggesting find a way, an activity or ritual, that as I put it "Reminds me of who I really am and who I was intended to be".
This "real you/ me" isn't about others or how you or how anyone else rates or regards you. It does not include being a good daughter, mother, wife, friend, employee etc.
I am 65, I feel good when I feel connected to the energy force/ Universe/ God/ Spirit when I look out over a large body of water and feel the breeze, waves, tides (alone). I feel connected when I hear certain music, with NO Lyrics. When I create sculptures, artwork with NO desired outcome intended. When I dance by myself with no one around and without judgement of others or myself.
To learn the skills, ways or Your own personal way back to "who you were intended to be" is Not being in a "Reactive" state and will make you more resistant, better able to cope with all of life's crap and is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It's also the Best part of this Life's journey.
I would not agree,only on the basis that you are Validating their conduct,maybe not for long, but others who might suspect that persons bad behavior,may become the toxic persons next Target 🎯,and your validation could help the toxic persons cause,my opinion,no disrespect intended.👏🏽🌈💐🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing. Very informative. ❤️
wish that kitty of yours came in more often x
This sounds like manipulation, but it is not. It truly is survival. I've employed this method and it works, if only for the time being. "Is that a new sweater? It looks so great on you! Turn around, wow, look at you! Nice choice of color!" (gag, I know!!) — or anything like this fake bullshit. I call it playing their game. In a way it's a clever/fun attempt to control these demons. It keeps them at bay (for awhile) and gives you breathing room: During which time you can plan your escape!
No, I do not use compliments or ass kissing because it would make me feel disgusted,I just honestly isolate myself and that is probably why I miss out on different opportunities. Because it's hard for me to be fake. I always wind up saying something. I am trying so hard to learn how to not react Especially when I know that I am being baited. I have had to deal with narcissists, gaslighters and straight up liars so much that I honestly feel aggressive at this point. I just want the space to create and build my business, heal and take care of my children. Be a contribution. I'm tired of people sucking me into their bullshit energy when none of that is productive. I get frustrated with myself when I deviate from my path and my lane to be swept up into the farce. My every move scrutinized and exploited. It's suffocating and disheartening to know that I am getting this treatment simply because I refuse to play along with their games.
Dear Dr Ramani, I have used this technique with my mother for many years, ( I'm her full time carer 25/7). And because realistically I can't keep it up full-time anymore, it causes disasters 😆 Is there any useful clip that would be catered for my situation? I can't get any response care, and it's just not possible to be continually giving, and complimenting things about a person which are blatantly wrong. Needless to say I have had to double my medications 😂 edit – respite care*
I wish I knew a way to deal with all of this legally.
It only works for a bit…Eventually their version of "fluffing" turns into degrading you while you're expected to keep quiet and smile. I wish they were simple beings.
My narcissist would use a similar manipulation technique to attempt to distract me from her blatantly abusive (and otherwise questionable) behaviour….It was also often used to fish for compliments not forthcoming, when she was insecure about something, or felt like she deserved what I would term inappropriate praise for normal everyday tasks (often that someone else completed). Usually also unrelated to the conversation at hand, or previous conversation etc…. DaRVO.She was always trying to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear, instead of the truth, when I'm the type to want to the honest truth at all times.I call it "blowing smoke up my arse." Most women I have ever known, and a bunch of the more feminine men, do something similar…. From what I can gather, it has something to do with fear of the delusional reality they have created (or had created in their head).
I’ve done this with evil intentions. 😈
Thank you! I learned this by instinct. When I felt like I was about to be discarded I would make a point to praise him on things he valued and things would get better for a time. It does feel icky but in my circumstances, is necessary.
yes u r so right this is exactly i am doing past many years
I starting doing this with my manager about a year ago. Ot turns my stomach sometimes but it has changed our relationship for the better. Oddly enough between this technique and the gray rock technique I can actually get through a workday without wanting to punch him or quit my job. we dont have as many nasty conflicts and it's worth it. it does take its toll but I cant quit my job and my survival is number 1. The other side of the coin is that his response sometimes makes me laugh because at the end of the day narcissists are predictable babies.
I might just try this with the office narcopath or even the covert boss. I've written fiction before.
Great video! Fluffing is very effective when you do it right and don't expect nothing from the narcissist. I would only do it in emergency situation because it can be draining. Doesn't feel good at all.
I wish I knew it earlier in my life.It would spare me a lot of stress. Being truthful with narc doesn't pay Great video ! I listen to all your videos. . By the way I love your kitty cat !
I'm sure I've done this in every job I've ever had
I do this with my boss.Sooo narc that once I was being sarcastic And deliberately changed the subject….and it worked!?😕?!?!to the astonishment of everyone around.
Yess, I do agree with your video Dctr. The survival of the fittest, one has to be very calm and careful cautious!
I didn't realize that is fluffing…a great defense mechanism for us!!! I've done this to keep my son's dad in a good place when I'm picking our son up. I'll bring up how much fun our son has being with him and their golf lessons. It keeps the frequency calm in me. So gray rock and fluffing are the best used things for us. This is great Doc.
This is a gross technique, but I think it can be useful and needed at times to get through situations with a narc. My father loves compliments, which he gives himself all the time. I haven't seen him in 5 years but I have email contact as we have business interactions. I will need to use "fluffing" over the next few months to get through an upcoming project that will require interaction. I will need to puke for days and days after though. Thank you for your insight.
But how do you balance this with gray rocking?
dr you are beautiful… mentally ..spiritually ..and physically 😅I would make sweet love to your mind with conversation of our up comings we share ….then passionately pray we stay in touch with our spiritual self ..and physically would be on another planet cuz you out this world gurl 😘😍🥰🔥💦💦💦👅
🌬 Fluffing? I can't do it… 🤮Once I realized that I had been unconsciously fluffing the Narcissists in my life for YEARS, and the reason was FEAR and People Pleasing, I can't! I refuse to compromise my integrity! …. I don't want to manipulate anyone, not even the evil Narcissist, just to get what I want or need… I believe in God, he tells me he will supply all my needs. He always has…. I put my trust in him, not people. That's what got me into trouble in the first place. People fail us, but God never does… he has our best interest in mind. God never wants us to remain in Abuse, LEAVE, go no contact and move on in Peace & Grace…. The Truth is powerful…. Stand Firm in it! 💕
Do this for a job or a difficult family member for survival. Don't do this to pacify a partner or friend, at that point you're an enabler! Make a plan to leave please. Don't criticize the Dr here, sometimes this is needed to stop stressful harassment when you have no options
I cannot do this. I will not lie to someone and say these things just to fluff the ego to buy me this so called “time.” This is giving my time to them and I’ve already given too much. This breakup is crushing enough.
Sometimes you have use this, it would be the very last resort.
I believe that would work …I just can't do it. I just stay far away
I used this occasionally with my ex-husband and it worked like a charm! However, living with his difficult behaviour was exhausting. Sadly, he has managed to alienate both our children. Thankfully, they understand that they have not done anything wrong and he won't ever change. Many thanks for all your helpful and interesting videos.
How do you fluff when you're in divorce proceedings? He discarded me and went no contact first. We aren't speaking.
When you said it would be unpleasant I knew what you were going to say. Ugh. Sounds downright painful… but also wise. I will applaud like she wants when she tells me she took the garbage out. But trust me, then she'll want a ticker tape parade.
This is bad advice. Narcissists can sniff out insincerity. They will push you into very uncomfortable situations if they feel you are being insincere. It will backfire.
I did do this during the marriage, it made me feel cheaper than he was.
I've been doing this by instinct with my parents as a coping mechanism for years. And I need to say that they don't care if it's authentic or not, they want what they want and they force you to lie until you don't know what is real anymore. Even if you are the one in control you are still being their supply and this is what makes you ashamed of yourself. The alternative is living in terror though, so what do you choose? It's funny how people believe that keeping their (toxic) jobs , (toxic) families and relationships is more important than mental sanity. My suggestion is: this strategy can work if you have a short term "get out" plan. Don't do this if you are enmeshed with the narcisist, cause you will forget about your only successful goal: leaving the narcissist.
I just did it from feb 20 – 24 for my sweet cousins wedding.. o my god i was so stressed out few days ahead of wedding that i was actually planning how to handle the narc attacks than the dress planning and other marriage rituals that we had to participate in 😰😩 I finally decided i'll play along and agreed to her every manipulative talks + praised + hyped them up for future events and I am feeling like shit 😵😶. My ritual is to watch dr.ramanis video omg when will this narc die. Yes i am saying this. Result : 1. Narc was not all that aggressive 2. She was still upto her old tricks, i dodged that for the most part 3. She was paving way into our lives again as we had no contact with her for a year now but guess what we're back again to no contact 4. I observed the narc will get happy on being praised but after sometime ( 10 mins ) she was back to her disturbed self. Doing this is 10 times better than enduring narc attack, i see this as survival strategy. Period
Always did fluffing up my narc mum as a child. She always made out she was vonerable, so I did it to make her feel better about herself, praised her constantly. Now I'm an adult I have my own opinions and thoughts. So she cut me off. Not seen her in years. But I still find myself praising people. A habit I was taught so young x
You will NEVER, I repeat NEVER have your needs met, fulfilled, be respected, be loved, be cherished or be able to feel how absolutely AMAZING it is to be free from the abuse and be able to finally learn who you are and learn to LOVE yourself! Go NO CONTACT! Don't walk, RUN! 🏃♀️.. . ..🏃. ..
It’s a great idea—great survival technique with the short-term goal in mind. Thank you. 😍 Hot yoga after lol.
Thank you Doctor Ramani for some very helpful information.
So interesting!!! Wow!! Dr. Thank you, so much. You totally validated my natural instincts in dealing with my narcs. I'm doing this already. It hurts to do this, sometimes. But, it does work. You are so on target!!! I just stay humble. Survival, yes..I'm at a distance now from my narcs. It has helped. After years of being drained, I'm just in a season of rest. And freedom to be me.
I think this might come under the heading of "Fawning", in a way.You know…Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn…all activations of the Sympathetic Nervous System…Survival mechanisms.Like if you were in a hostage situation, bargaining for your life, with the kidnapper..to buy you some time, or pave a way to escape!…..I think when you have grown up with one or both Parents who were/are Narcissists…you learn this technique whilst very young…but you develop Complex PTSD, from the abuse..which trauma-bonds you..which leaves you vulnerable to attraction to Narcissists, in the future….I suppose the one good thing is…..you've already developed the "fluffing" technique, to some degree!…….good tool short term…devastating to your health long term!Thank you Dr R for broaching this sticky topic!
This will be the only time I will “fluff” my xn… the only thing I remotely kind of miss from him is that he was always down to go to any event with me. But God after love bombing phase it started becoming horrible to even go out with him. Constantly being jealous and silent treatment, ew
In other words you need to humble yourself to do the fluffing. You are ahead on the long run and you have more peace.
I call this " Killing 'em with kindness" it works with work/professional relationships but becareful because sometimes they take your "kindness " as weakness and target you even more.
Sounds like narcissistic fluff sucking up, this means one has to lower their values to a certain extent in order to do this. Lowering one's values in itself can emotionally effect one in a negative way over time, the things we have to do to make money or a living.
I did it, the Nacissist went off track and left me alone for awhile. It is tough to do, don't know if I can do it again
Dr Ramani, please please do a mother daughter video. My daughter is in her mid forties but by God, I've only realised my problems with her only now after I accidentally caught onto one if your videos. And in that 2 hr video, within 30 minutes I got exactly what my daughter was suffering. OMG! What a shocker! So can you please do a mother daughter narcissistic personality disorders?
Interesting topic Dr.Ramani ! Only thing is I've done something similar with my narc abuser they still ended up doing the same betrayal they still went behind my back and even stolen from me .
done this without knowing what narcissism is !!! made her kinder BUT in the long run it was worse She took it as a green light to implement even more her controlling tactics !!!!!!
Yes I did , 30 years ago I told my husband I love you and he told me THANK You and everything got worse 😂😂😂😂😂
Thank you for posting this! Sometimes people take this literally, and do not realize that this is only done on an as-needed, limited basis. Thanks for explaining that so clearly. I have done this "fluffing" technique here and there in a very strategic and calculated manner. I almost had fun with it, as I used this "game" in order to survive a limited amount of time with a narc. It felt almost amusing to me, to see how well it worked. I can't remember what I said, but I remember this occasionally with my narc "sister" who would glow smugly whenever she received the stray "fluffing" compliment from me. It clearly defined her sense of grandiosity–but the most important thing is that I played this game temporarily simply in order to get through some gathering unscathed.
When you're fluffing you really have to mean it in that moment. Those narcissists are so hyper sensitive they can tell when you're not genuine… My ex narc got raging mad when I tried fluffing. HOW DARE YOU MANIPULATE ME?! Quite funny now how exasperated he got for something he did all the time.
Guess we have to take one step backward in order to continue moving forward again towards our goals, certain people and their BS.
Yes acting is part of life lol ..I've. Done this before it works but you must make it look and feel genuine lol
Dr. Ramani, Can you do a video on " Why the narc thinks you have No breaking point " meaning, why don't they think you have a breaking point. After so much abuse & torture, why are they Genuinely shocked & surprised? Like, We have been telling you what's wrong & how to fix it. Why are you so offended Now?
Thank you so much Doctor Ramani, I was feeling depressed and sick to my stomach when my husband told me to fluff his mother to survive or else we had to expirence her narcissist rage. I was against enabling her supply and ended up having to go through hell with her. This video has really helped me to realize that sometimes you have to do this to protect your mental health and well being.
I've found that I can only do this if I'm in a very strong mental place with the situation, because with my ex-husband, it would be the the first step towards him going back to the honeymoon phase. Even if it wasn't reciprocated immediately or in the same way, it would shift the dynamic, and I would feel the pull back into the cycle; wanting to believe that me being "nicer" was all it took and things really could be great. But, inevitably, his mood would shift again no matter how nice I'd been, and I'd be on the receiving end of all of the negativity, criticism, irritation, anger, explosions etc. And getting it AFTER I'd been going out of my way to give him the opposite hurt so much worse.
So, yeah, it can work to survive, ease the tension, or buy time, but it's critical to remember what you said: it's still a relationship with a narcissist. You have to know that while it will probably change things for the better, it is a superficial and temporary change because of how their insecure personality operates, and that hasn't changed. Even if they DO start pouring it back, keep your head and wits about you and don't get emotionally sucked in. Recognize that it's only happening because YOU gave 150% to someone to survive the fact that when you AREN'T constantly building them up, they become a intolerable beast to function with. And that, even when you are, the supply you give will lose some of its shine so they're not as desperate to keep it, and they will go back to being who they are no matter what you are giving them.
I use this to protect my younger brother. He and I meet our father once a year in a restaurant, for Christmas. Our father consistently brings up inflammatory subjects on purpose, to trigger arguments about politics and this kind of thing. I have learned in the recent years to stop engaging, to change the topic, or look distracted when he does that, and I disabled his publications on my Facebook. However my brother still takes the bait and enters a debate with him every single time – with, I must say, very smart and elaborate reasonning and arguments, but completely in vain. I've had this talk with my father and even got him to admit out loud that there is officially no level of evidence or reasonning that could change his mind about anything. He considers his opinion is a manifestation of his intelligence, which is absolutely unquestionnable, and therefore so is the opinion. He just likes to start arguments to "test the strength of his conviction" (read: "watch the other person exhaust themselves trying to reason with him"… or "troll" for short). Now I see him coming for a mile, and before my brother picks up the bait, I fluff my father into oblivion until he's forgotten what he was about to say. It got almost comical, at the last Christmas meeting: as goodbyes were close, he must have realized dinner had been suspiciously pleasant and, OMG, he still hadn't checked any political controversy off his list! So he started cycling through ALL of them at once on the way back to his car – but it resulted in something very… confused. The intention was much more obvious because it was condensed in so little time: he had to go straight to the point to cram all the topics together and that made the whole thing sound plain hateful – like it truly is. By that I mean this time it really couldn't be confused for an honnest attempt at debating, and due to that and the lack of time, he didn't succeed in getting on my brother's nerves.Part of me still mourns the genuine, harmonious relationship I wanted to have with my father for a long time, but I also feel so much stronger and calmer now that I have realistic expectations and techniques to manage him. And more importantly I am just glad if I can dodge another unpleasant moment for my brother (he was the scapegoat when we were small, so he's had more than his share), until he hopefully finds his own way to manage this.
I fluffed him to get the truth about his infidelity…..I said if he told me the truth we would still be friends after and once he told me I blocked him and went no contact. I reframed it as doing what he’s done to me for years….to get what I deserved….the truth.
This is timely! I've had to do this for the last couple of years and it's really taken its toll on me! I was feeling really despondent and honestly, dispicable.
It only works for a moment until the narcissist has to blow up again normally is very quickly and they forget about any butt kissing all they think about is to vengeance their rage on to you to make themselves feel better and if they think for a moment that you have any kind of admiration for them, they believe they got you under their claw's and you are now the go to punching bag. You are so right, because they believe they are all that they are stupid to think we really mean the compliment but unfortunately doesn't work. Best is to be as invisible as possible and stay away.
I have a hard time fluffing. I’m allergic to bullshit. My body rejects fakeness. When I dislike someone, especially a narcissist. My body language changes, I turn away from them, avoid them, my eyes roll when they talk. I can’t find anything nice to say so I don’t say anything. I would rather quit or walk away from the job and keep my integrity and self respect. #fucknarcs
“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”
U have no idea how dangerous your advice is
Yes, I used it as a kid with my older sister (10 years older). I was really scared for my well being. I didn't know what it was called. When I got older, I fought back. And yes, things went sideways and I was prepared. But I wasn't going to let her control me anymore.
You are a chicken magician, hahahaa! God love ya woman!
I was not aware, in retrospect, that I was fluffing but rather just giving compliments. What I do remember now that I am looking at this video is when I did compliment her she would light up and would tell me she liked what I said to her with these give me more eyes. Always give me more
Hi Dr. Ramani, Your videos have been tremendously helpful. I’ve had a string of past relationships with narcissists, mainly covert and communal. Looking back, it all makes perfect sense now, but looking forward, I find that I am nervous to enter another relationship – and even date – for fear of blind spots with people and getting caught in the same cycle. If you’re looking for new content in upcoming videos and are able to shed light on this topic, I’d very much appreciate it. Thank you!!!!! I appreciate you!!
Fluff Take moneyGhost ThemTHATS How You Give Them NARCISSISTIC InjuryKeep Increasing Intensity
P S : Build YOURSELF while you ghost . Heal 🖤
Yes, ive done it and it over inflated an already over inflated egotistical maniac. To the point he was sure he was too good for me. Theres more to the story, ill save for my book…
i hate it
Ew…I hate this bc then it can make us just continue and get confused
Narcs love it when ppl suck up to them, it relaxes them from attacking you shortly, yes they eventually will. But for short term survival, it can delay the scheduled abuse.
Hi, there, I've gone out of my way to make the many narcissist(s) at my work place feel good complementing etc. they are nice for a bit then they back stab and sabotage me all over again then I ignore them they come around to me and the dance starts again I'm truly tired of the games….
Prophets in the Bible did this to Kings at times… always fascinated me how it was just “skill” in working some diplomacy
What are the effects of long term exposure to narcissist and long term fluffing? I am in a workplace where my work performance is blocked or sabotaged by a narcissist if I do not fluff. Even then, he often takes credit for my work. I basically go to work to support and lift his career. There is not return for me. I feel like my life has been 'taken over'.
I do this narcissistic fluffing with my narc mother. And you're right… it feels gross to do it. I pride myself on being an honest person, but I have to do this with my mom sometimes in order to get her to behave, or be nice during certain times/events. I absolutely HATE doing it, because in no way does my mom deserve any kind of compliment or niceties thrown her way. But it really does help get her off my back when I need it.
I definitely have used fluffing before! I'm using it now actually. Unfortunately, it's really effective and its really buying time to get to the next moment or through the day or shift. It is sad and they don't even realize. Most and often times, I end up feeling really sorry for them because there is no peace.
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