Pelosi Presses On & Constitutional Scholars Testify | The Daily Show
Articles,  Blog

Pelosi Presses On & Constitutional Scholars Testify | The Daily Show


Impeachment took yet another
major step forward when Nancy Pelosi,
Speaker of the House and sober Lucille Bluth, gathered up all the flags
she could find for a major announcement. NEWSMAN:
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announcing to the country
and to the world that articles of impeachment against President Trump
will proceed, Pelosi telling
the American people that Trump has left
the U.S. Congress with no choice
but to move forward. Sadly but with confidence
and humility, with allegiance to our founders and a heart full of love
for America, today I am asking our chairman to proceed
with articles of impeachment. Oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh, my God! They finally proposed
articles of impeachment! (gasps) I mean, I knew when
they reserved that hearing room that this would be it,
but you never know until it really happens.
Oh, my God! I’m so happy for you guys. Now, Pelosi’s announcement comes a day after
the latest impeachment hearing, where legal scholars
were brought in to give their opinions
on impeachment, and most of them agreed that DJT needs to GTFO. The three experts
invited by Democrats arguing that the president’s
conduct regarding Ukraine is exactly what
the founders had in mind when they wrote impeachment
into the Constitution. President Trump’s conduct as described
in the testimony in evidence clearly constitutes impeachable high crimes
and misdemeanors under the Constitution. If we are to keep faith
with our Constitution and with our republic, President Trump
must be held to account. If what we’re talking about
is not impeachable, then nothing is impeachable. Wow. If this is not impeachable, then nothing is impeachable. Most of us thought
that sounded powerful, but Trump probably thinks
that just means he can do whatever he wants. Yeah, he heard that,
and he was like, “Yay! “Nothing is impeachable. “I can do anything. Look at me. “I’m running around
with scissors. “La, la, la!
La, la, la! La, la, la! “Ow! Ow! Ow!
The scissors cut me. Ah, the scissors work
for the deep state.” (laughter) So… the three constitutional experts
called by the Democrats testified yesterday
that Trump’s actions were, like, super impeachable. But according to the Republicans
on the committee, these people weren’t saying this because they’re
constitutional scholars. No, they were saying it because they’re drinking
Trump haterade. Could I begin
just with a show of hands? How many on the panel
actually voted for, uh, Donald Trump in 2016? -Sh-Show of hands.
-I don’t think we’re obligated -to say anything about how we
cast our ballots. -No, just… A show… Just show of hands. The gentlemen
may ask the question. The witnesses
don’t have to respond. -Uh, the gentleman… -How many
of you supported Donald Trump in 2016? Show of hands. Not raising our hands is not
an indication of an answer, sir. Okay, can-can we just agree
that people in power should never be asking anyone
who they voted for? -AUDIENCE: Yes.
-(applause) -Like…
-(applause and cheering) It’s not part
of a healthy democracy. There’s a reason there’s
a curtain on the voting booth. It’s so you can cast your vote
in secret and then shower afterwards,
okay? And, also, like,
the sly way the congressman was interrogating the panel,
you know? I felt like I was watching
a scene with Christoph Waltz. He’s like, (German accent):
“You know, so just by a show “of hands, how many of you
actually voted for Donald Trump? “We’re all friends here. Come on, come on,
you can tell me.” (laughter) And Republicans…
Republicans didn’t just say that these law professors
were biased. No, they took it
one step further and went after
their credentials. We had one professor who just absolutely
fictionalized what the president said
to-to meet her own statement. And then, another said
he was so reluctant to go to impeachment,
when his tweets, from day one nearly, have been, he wants
to go full-speed ahead. So all I got to say is,
if you love America, mamas,
don’t let your babies grow up to go to Harvard
or Stanford Law School. (laughter, groaning, booing) What? Mamas, don’t let your babies go
to Harvard or Stanford? That… that took a weird turn. (laughter) No, because, like, now
I like to imagine that there is some family
in the South where a mother just found
a Harvard acceptance letter that her daughter hid
under the bed. She’s horrified. She’s like,
“What is this, Mary Lou? Is this an acceptance letter
to Harvard?” She’s like, “Mama, I-I know
you want me to go to Princeton, “but-but this is my dream, Mama! “What’s the point of living
if I can’t go to the Kennedy School
of Government, Mama?” “How dare you! “How dare you upset
your mama like this! What else are you hiding
from me?!” “Well, Mama, I’m also gay.” “I don’t care if you’re gay! “Love is love. “You can love whoever you want as long as they didn’t go
to Harvard!” -(laughter)
-And scene. (cheers and applause) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. My new one-man play,
Annie Get Your Degree, will be Off-Broadway
in two weeks. Thank you. So basically,
that’s what happened, all right? Yesterday was a hearing
with constitutional scholars that took us one step closer
to impeachment. All of it was pretty standard,
except for one moment that got everybody talking, and it was when one
of the scholars made a joke that backfired hard. One of the three scholars that Democrats called
to testify had to apologize for mentioning the president’s
13-year-old son during her testimony. Republicans blasted Stanford
law professor Pamela Karlan after she tried to make a point that Mr. Trump does not have
the same powers as king. The constitution says there can
be no titles of nobility. So while the president
can name his son “Barron,” he can’t make him a baron. When you invoke
the president’s son’s name here, when you try
to make a little joke out of referencing Barron Trump, that does not lend credibility
to your argument. It makes you look mean. I want to apologize for, uh, what I said earlier about the president’s son. It was wrong of me to do that. No, Professor.
What were you doing? You were brought in
for your legal expertise, not to try and make jokes. The “C” in C-SPAN
doesn’t stand for “comedy.” It stands for,
“Christ, this is boring.” (laughter) And look, I’m-I’m not saying the
professor had bad intentions, but just as a rule, don’t drag Trump’s
underaged son into politics, especially
when you’ve got these two dead-eyed jamokes
to make fun of. -(laughter)
-I mean, seriously! Look at these two! (applause and cheering) They look like… They look like
the world’s most affordable personal injury attorneys.
Look at them! They look like failed clones
of Cellino & Barnes. Like… They look like they run
a strip club by the airport. And not the classy one. The other one
with the bed bug problem.

30 Comments

  • David Kempton

    It should seem clear to ANY unbiased observer that the GOP has gone full-on fascist. And this is unacceptable from ANY American, let alone those in positions of power.
    What do we do historically with fascists? The partisans settled on shooting Mussolini alongside his young mistress, Claretta Petacci, and passed their bodies to an angry crowd, which brutalized the corpses and hung them upside down from a girder in the Piazzale Loreto in Milan, for display and preservation. Beria was executed separately (different article.) He was shot through the forehead by General Pavel Batitsky who had to stuff a rag into Beria's mouth to silence him. His final moments bore great similarity to those of his own predecessor, NKVD Chief Nikolai Yezhov, who begged for his life before his execution in 1940. Richard Glücks, Goebbels and Shitler himself committed suicide rather than face justice.

    But MOST Nazis were killd by American and Allied soldiers.

    America – killing fascists since 1939. Don't stop now…

  • Tonia Neese

    Pelosi is waiting Americans money if she wants a impeachment hearing fine but she should have to find it. Pelosi your a clown.

  • Eclipse The Gambling Ocelot

    People in power asking a witness who they voted for should in and of itself be an impeachable offense. Remove that member of the house from office

  • Eclipse The Gambling Ocelot

    Aww, she mentioned Barron trump as an innocent non harmful joke and the snowflake republicans absolutely freak out, but when trump says that the families of terrorists should be killed, even when they have nothing to do with it, snowflake republicans are fine with women and children being slaughtered. Fuck the gop, fuck Gaetz and I hope they all rot in hell for their double standards

  • Ricardo Guzman

    Theres no place for a 12 year old in this. But Trump has talked about Ivanka 2024. The US is not a monarchy because Trump would like it. Professors point is true. The bastard thinks his a king. Remember he fired FBI director Comey.

  • Patrick Horgan

    Oh, come on. Who doesn't agree that Trump can name his kid Barron, but he can't make he a Baron. Fuck the fake outrage. If you buy into it you're a tool. Just because Matt Gaetz wants to act like a little biatch does not mean anything about whether it was fine. In fact, if he pretends to be against it, SURELY it is fine. Trevor really missed the bar here. She did not drag the son into politics. She just made the point that Trump can't make barons. The fake outrage is fake and why oh why is Trevor pretending to buy into it? It was a clear and true point.

  • Starr R.

    I'm sorry not sorry, but she had nothing to apologize about, nothing she said warranted any of the histrionics that occurred about Baron. Please… just get over it.

  • jones

    Pelosi 2020
    . . . . . . or sooner if justice prevails and Trump & Pence (et al) wind up where they belong.

    MAGA = More Are Getting Arrested

  • Viran Victus

    Its sad in America when you have to apologize for being correct.

    It doesnt matter if it bothers people. It doesnt matter if the kid is under age, The sentiment is correct. Donald Trump does not get to hand out titles of nobility to his friends and family. Naming his child one is perfect illustration of the mans deluded mindset.

    The professor did nothing wrong.

  • thatevilducky

    "don't drag the President's son into politics" isn't that what the Republicans did all 8 years with the Obamas and their daughters??

  • Tayce Sells

    "When you invoke the president's son's name here" – no shut the fuck up you douche canoe, she was making a FUCKING POINT only attacking 45's stupid choice for a name for his son. He has an obsession with royalty and dictators, his youngest son's name is merely proof of it. Stop defending this stupid fucking family and stop attacking people who call their fucking retarded asses out.

  • JohnnyBlaze6954

    Oooh boo fucking hoo! Trumps bitch ass child can be used in an analogy. Republicans don’t like it, stop crying about everything. Fire fights fire. End of story. #FUCKINGHYPOCRITS

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *