[belch] HI.
I’M MARK GAGLIARDI, AND TODAY WE’RE GOING TO TALK
ABOUT ROBERT SMALLS. [laughter] – WHEN ROBERT SMALLS
WAS 12 YEARS OLD, HIS FATHER, HENRY MCKEE,
THE PLANTATION OWNER, WAS LIKE, LISTEN, MY SON, THAT I’M NOT ALLOWED
TO TELL ANYBODY IS MY SON BUT REALLY,
YOU’RE MY SON. YOU ARE SPECIALER
THAN THE OTHER SLAVES. BUT YOU KEEP GETTING
IN TROUBLE. WE THINK THAT THE BEST THING
FOR YOU RIGHT NOW IS IF WE SEND YOU
TO CHARLESTON. AND ROBERT SMALLS IS LIKE,
OH, I’M SORRY. YOU’RE MY [bleep] SLAVE OWNER AND YOU’RE GOING TO SEND ME
TO CHARLESTON WHERE I CAN LEARN
AN ACTUAL BUSINESS TRADE? YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE
A GOOD IDEA. AND HE SPENT SEVEN YEARS
BEING A CREWMAN ONBOARD ALL OF THESE
DIFFERENT VESSELS THAT TRAVELED AROUND
THESE CHARLESTON WATERWAYS, INCLUDING THE CONFEDERATE SHIP,
THEPLANTER.AT THIS POINT,
THE CIVIL WAR HAS BROKEN OUT. THE OFFICERS TURNED
TO ROBERT SMALLS AND THEY WERE LIKE,
LISTEN MAN. DON’T TELL ANYONE
WE’RE GOING TO GO ONSHORE. KEEP AN EYE ON THE SHIP
WHILE WE’RE GONE. AND ROBERT SMALLS IS LIKE,
SURE MAN, I [bleep] GOT THIS. YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT ME. AND ROBERT SMALLS THOUGHT
TO HIMSELF, THESE GUYS JUST WENT
TO GO GET SOME HOOKERS. THESE TWO OTHER GUYS, WHO AREN’T
THE GUYS GETTING HOOKERS, ALSO WENT TO GET HOOKERS. I BASICALLY HAVE THIS SHIP
TO MYSELF. HE SAYS, HEY MAN. THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
FOR US TO STEAL THIS SHIP AND GET OVER
TO THE UNION SIDE. HERE’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO. GO GET MY FAMILY
AND GO ROUND UP THE FAMILY OF THE OTHER TWO SEAMEN
ON THIS VESSEL. AND I WILL BRING ALL OF US
TO FREEDOM. [laughter] – MARK.
– WHAT? – REMEMBER AT
THE BEGINNING OF THIS YOU SAID YOU WERE
NOT GOING TO– – I PROMISED YOU I WAS NOT GOING
TO LAY ON MY STOMACH TONIGHT. – AND WHAT HAPPENED? – PROBABLY THIS. I’M FIGHTING.
HERE I COME. – CUEEYE OF THE TIGER.
– ALL RIGHT. I ONLY DO THIS
IN HONOR OF ROBERT SMALLS. [groan] GOD DAMN IT,
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? ONCE ROBERT SMALLS
HAD TAKEN CONTROL OF THE SHIP, SMALLS THOUGHT TO HIMSELF, I’M STILL GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE
IT PAST FIVE CONFEDERATE FORTS. LUCKILY, I LOOK ENOUGH LIKE
THE CAPTAIN WHEN I WEAR THE HAT
AND THIS JACKET. AND I HAVE
THE CONFEDERATE CODE BOOK, WHICH MEANS I KNOW
WHAT SIGNALS TO THROW THAT WILL GET US
THROUGH THE HARBOR. SO ROBERT SMALLS IS
PILOTING THE SHIP PAST CONFEDERATE TROOPS. SO HE GOT TO THE FIRST ONE
AND WAS LIKE, TOOT-TOOT-TOOT. AND THEY THOUGHT THERE’S A WHITE
GUY TRYING TO PASS THROUGH. LET’S JUST WAVE AT HIM. AND HE MADE IT THROUGH. [exhales] [chuckle] [exclaims] ALL RIGHT. SO HE MADE IT THROUGH
FIVE CONFEDERATE SIGNALS ALL THE WAY THROUGH
TO THE GATES OF FORT SUMTER. NOT ONLY DID THE GUYS
AT FORT SUMTER SAY, ALL RIGHT, LET’S LET
THEPLANTERTHROUGH, THE GUARD
AT FORT SUMTER SAID, HEY, YOU GO KILL YOURSELVES
A COUPLE OF YANKEES. AND IT WAS ONLY AT DAWN
THAT THE CONFEDERATES REALIZE, HEY, MAYBE THIS ISN’T QUITE
ON THE LEVEL. AND THEY START LOBBING
CANNON FIRE AND AS HE IS BARRELING
TOWARD UNION FORCES, HE THINKS, OH MY GOD. I’VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING
TO MAKE SURE THAT THESE UNION FORCES
DON’T THINK I AM COMING TO CONFRONT THEM. – ARE WE GONNA DO THIS THING
FROM THE FLOOR MAN, REALLY? – I WANT YOU TO BE COMFORTABLE,
SO WE’LL DO IT WHEREVER. – I’LL DO IT FROM THE FLOOR. AS HE IS BARRELING TOWARD
THESE UNION FORCES, SMALLS TURNS TO HIS WIFE
AND SAYS, I TOLD YOU TO BRING
A BED SHEET. DID YOU BRING A BED SHEET? SHE’S LIKE, HONEY,
I BROUGHT US A BREAD SHEET. – HEY MARK,
LET’S JUST HAVE SOME WATER. JUST TAKE A QUICK BREAK
AND JUST DRINK SOME WATER. – ARE WE GETTING IN A FIGHT? – NOT AT ALL.
– WHY–WHAT? – YOU’RE OKAY. – WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW,
BABY? – THE NEXT PART. – HE HOISTED THE SHEET
AS A WHITE FLAG OF SURRENDER. HE PULLS UP TO
THEU.S.S. ONWARDAND SAYS, HEY MAN,
I HUNG–I HEAR UNCLE ABE COULD USE A TRANSPORT SHIP. THIS WAS A BIG DEAL. AND LINCOLN’S LIKE,
ALL RIGHT MAN. THAT’S GREAT.
HERE’S $1,500. HEY, HERE’S A QUICK QUESTION. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD GET
SOME [bleep] UNION GUYS LIKE SOME–SOME–SOME
CELEBRI–SOME CELEBRITIES? WHA–WHAT’S THE WORD
I’M LOOKING FOR? SOME CELEBRATEDS. WHAT’S THE WORD I’M LOOKING FOR?
SOME, UM. – MARK. – AH-BA-BA-BA-BA.
HOLD ON. [snorts]
NOT CELEBRITIES. SOME SOLDIERS. HE WAS THE FIRST
TO ENLIST 5,000 BLACKS IN THE UNION ARMY. SO THE END OF
THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR. CIVIL WAR…
[slurred, indistinct speech] AND HE HAD
JUST ENOUGH MONEY. – WHAT? – NOT ONLY DID ROBERT SMALLS
STEAL A BOAT AND [bleep] GET HIS FREEDOM. NOT ONLY DID HE SERVE FIVE TERMS
AS A U.S. CONGRESSMAN. AFTER THE WAR, ROBERT SMALLS
WENT INTO SOUTH CAROLINA AND SAID, HEY,
SEE THAT HOUSE OVER THERE? THAT’S THE HOUSE
I WANT TO BUY. WHICH HOUSE? THAT ONE. I’M GOING TO BUY
THE MCKEE HOUSE. THE LAST TIME THAT HE WAS
IN THAT HOUSE, HE WAS OWNED
BY ANOTHER PERSON. THIS TIME,
MOTHER[bleep] OWNED THE HOUSE. – MARK. – MM-HMM. – ROBERT SMALLS. – YEAH, MAN. – DO YOU LIKE HIM?
– I LOVE HIM.
100 Comments
Janet Roy
How has Bert Kreischer not been on this?? lol
Riri Pari
All in all black history is very exstentsive and you always find yourself learning something new. I only know the general people that are always talked about during black history month. MLK, Ruby Bridges, Harriet Tubman, Sojonour Truth, Malcolm X… I learned about the Greensboro four from a history museum. I learned about the black teens (the Little Rock nine) who transferred to Little Rock highschool from a black history disney channel exclusive (basically those guys were in the same situation as Ruby Bridges with wanting a good education and having to deal with racist protesters). Now I'm hearing about this guy on drunk history of all things. You learn something new everyday.
leilani lee
There's a white guy trying to pass through let's just wave at him. Proceed to wave at him
Kaylie Bywater
this is the drunkest history i've seen so far my goodness 😀 totally perfect
Reginald Williams
Let's talk abt how good Brandon T did in this
Lauren Christie
3:38 spending the big bucks on production
Dan N
Semi drunk people pretending to be smashed.
Riff Raff
I've legit never heard or seen Mark Gagliardi sober. Dudes a hilarious drunken story teller
Kamber 0826
Dude if Derek has to offer you water, you’re wasted
Collier Pickvance
This is some of the fakest shit I've ever seen
Datman
“These 2 guys went to get hookers.
These 2 other guys, who aren’t the guys that went to get hookers, also went to go get hookers.”
😂😂💦
Alli M.
Yikesssss, that’s where Marine Corps boot camp is, Beaufort, South Carolina is where Paris Island is
Astral Eagle
@5:25 What exactly!?
Sarah Lamb
I've always loved this story, but this retelling was downright inspirational. This is awesome
A G
I love seeing other races cover these ones. Heroes are for errrbody
s1mulus
Confederate troops: "You're killing me smalls!"
Ty G
Some are more blessed than others.
Laureen Berger
Wooow damn. What an inspiring story. I had no idea about this guy. This is incredible. They need to make a movie about him (if they haven't already). More people need to learn about that.
pinkwonder power
In one way I get them trying to be funny but these were serious times, slavery is not a joke by any means.
journey begins Here
All these great history lessons make us sad about the fact that how horrible we were as human beings….and at the same time make us glad that we are past that(almost)
May be we aren't doomed yet….if we could leave these horrible past we can save the planet too
Will Nother
at 1:00 he turns into John Goodman
miathapapaya
Poor guy is such a trooper, he finished the whole story. From the floor, with vomit on his face, speaking in some odd tongues but he got it out for the most part! Way to go
John Tomasi
I learned about him when I visited Charleston with my wife. What's weird is that they have a placard detailing the events listed in the video, but they also have more confederate memorials and statues than I've ever seen.
shameer mangkabong
Specialer😘
J McGhee
"What do you want to know, babay?"
Adam Crawford
Toot!! Toot!!!
Toooooooooooooot!!!!!!
Mere C
2:43 Look at that incredible rendering of a Civil War-era ship. CGI has come so far.
Zac Mcgrady
He a lso helped out his xla d masters wife who had altimeters
slayer 1
That is the super ultimate OSHA number one no no to leave the Ship Without let in the captain now that's how people catch disease the disease is brought on the ship and once you set sail there's no place for you to go so you end up making everybody else sick also there are places you can go and get off of the ship but if the captain tells you no you should probably listen at the very least ask some questions if it's a real Captain he will patronize you he will tell you you can go to another part of the island or a another Island all together I mean the island of Europe America Africa every Island
Kyubbiman
Robert Smalls is a man I look to for guidance when coming up with on the spot half-baked escape plans b/c his worked mostly. Also the ship he stole was a munitions ship that had just been restocked and Smalls had knowledge of underwater mine locations in confederate waters.
Helen Souris
"What do u wanna know baby"
DevilsEpicurean
5:18 this part cracks me up every time LMAO!!
Nick Seaman
this is the most shit faced I've seen someone on this show
Adox Artist
5:20 The most articulate drunken nonsense I've ever heard. 🍻
Matthew Williams
Hey, Mark…you are absolutely adorable. <3
Donnie Montoya
5:19 Unbelievably funny.
angel964o
The last time he was in that house, he was owned by another person. This time, motherfucker owned the house. – Best quote from the series yet!
Stephanie West
It is possible to be completely schnockered (drunk) incoherently tell a story. One time years ago I got drunk with some friends of mine and the next day they asked me if I remembered the story I made up and told them. I vaguely remembered it something about a tall elf named Pete. My friend told me it was an absolutely hilarious and ingenious story. And that if I could remember it to write it down.
beep bop
give whoever made drunk history a cookie
I Dum
robert smalls looks like key
Sador Rangel
5:18 lmfao😂😂😂😂😂😂
JohnnyOmm
5:23 meee lol
—Pidge—
Mark
bobby boucher
Shools in the South teach that the civil war was not about slavery!
Stop wondering why you never heard of it when the grandsons/daughters of slave masters are writing your history books!
More people need to learn about heros like Robert Smalls!
Theo Devlaminck
5:20 Out of the American Civil War Civil Warsernkinsrbasrenserbnlatition
Derek: 😶🤨
QStar3
“… so at the end of the Civil War were sorting the color same kids watched a live audition Civil War…”
Gotta love English auto-generated caption 🤣
Taku Chimu
5:19 so the end of the american civil war civilwarsorengagfeeandsayingcandybarinstoolavatician
TheSoundOfTwang
"DRINK BOOTY SWEAT, BABY!"
Shane Daniel
These fake drunks are ridiculous
Akib Husain
toy ship 😂
Brandon Hampton
Good to see you still acting, Brandon!
TheDayScene music
LMAO 🤣🤦🏾♂️lmao again your my mother fucking slave owner 😂💯
sjowns100
"Ygershmermersheeremer"
"What?"
I fuckin died
emersonv
I always wondered how ligitelly drunk the story tellers were.. This guy makes me believe it.
Prince Luci
GodDAMN Robert Smalls was a handsome dude
Zach Geisel
"What?" Hahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Cody Williams
why the 224 dislikes?
Carnage Rules!
You’re killing me, Smalls
Thabiso Mokoma
I can't with this kid cussing though..
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Azia D. Moore
5:23 had me crying laughing haha
Rubyoreo
wtf why did I never learn about this guy. He's like 1000 times cooler then the other 10 people I had to learn about 4 times over. I mean. I know why, racism. but still .
RAW Productions
Best one yet
FineMan
So at the end of the civil civiwargdyeveybd he had just enough money
Charli Blake
This show is my new favorite thing in the whole world! It’s single handedly dragging me out of my depression ✊🏼
Eric
Strange that most people I know including myself get haggard and tired looking when we drink but these people always look fresh but sound slurry. Hmm
maya sharp
These videos are the absolute best
dixib
I used to believe that you actually was drunk but now I see it's all bullshit
Aaron Idstein
Damn, Robert Smalls sure had some big balls.
Space Man
Robert Smalls was a genuine badass. A lot of amazing details were left out. If you are interested in learning more about Smalls and his escape then "The History Guy" has an excellent video about him.
Elliot Virggo
We had just got done filming for "Trap City" and I came here after discovering that Brandon was on Drunk History. I love it.
OOGA BOOGA
I can’t even say his last name and I’m not even drunk
Michelle Tran
Roghberght Shmalls
Capt. G
the little kid at the beginning, lmao
Psychedelic Gaming
5:19 had me crying 😂😂😂😂😂
JJ
Someone get this guy a movie already. Talk about badass🤙
Yuck Fou
Gagliardi is f*cking useless, I have NO idea who he is but he is useless at drinking and/or pretending to be drunk!
Neurotica
This is my expertise! Not only do I share my birthday with the man himself, but I was honored to have been consulted by a fellow historian For an upcoming film project about Robert smalls. About goddamn time!
Neurotica
I also wanted to add one of my favorite parts about his feat was how The confederate navy practically cheered him on not realizing he was stealing their boat. There are other Bits of ironic comedy sprinkled throughout his story but that’s one of my favorites
Toughen Up, Fluffy
Mark Gagliardi: definitely a True Keeper.
Bebe Nagbe
After the war i went back to New york
pooh nani
1,500 bucks back then is what 42,400 bucks is today. So that's an insane amount of money
Twentun
"So at the end of the American Civil War civilwarsawmhonkendribonsilivonlocrticion"
"………what?"
Tobias Merriman
"So the end of the American Civil War Civil Warsorn ichall we're sayin canjibonce lil autician and he had just enough money….." Exact translation.
JJ Lemley
5:21 I’ve listened through that part so much and I still don’t know what he’s saying 😂
Marcus Lett
This shit is not funny
Jimmy Hunsucker
Another white guilt video. How about making one how the Blacks in Africa captured and are the ones who sold their own people into slavery in the first place. Hum.
Orange Blossom
We need to name more of our schools after our people and not random white people
Jay Peace
So funny you guys are great❤
athausand dollahs
why dat stars and bars on uss onward
TzT-panda Gaming-YT
Is this true?
The Wandering Aristotle
The inglorious [email protected]
THEROTTINGDOG
Before bicycles they stole ships.
AnthonyDoes YT8
3:43 Thats not the Union flag
Phillip Maciejewski
4:12 what the hell is he holding onto? Is that some sort of crazy pipe?
cyn
I had to cite this video for my civil war essay
Gerino Piedra
Omfg I have that same chair but allllll black and its sooo comfy.also I'm drunk but yessssss
Gerino Piedra
I'm not crying ur crying
MrFuchew
Wow Robert Smalls was a true bad ass!!!!
Fayfay Barsiana
Mark Gagliardi is right up there with one of my favorite Drunk History narrators.
night k
The fact that I’ve never heard of this guy in my AP classes or college classes is a damn sad thing smh