[sighs] excuse me, sir. Well.
Oh, well, well, well. Fucking mexicans. Oh, man, do not get me started
on the mexicans. Hey, I was just saying. They hold the goddamn economy
together. You know what, man?
Damn straight. If 12% of the mexicans
that live in this country stopped working, just 12%, the USA would shut down. I don’t even care
who hears me. Nope. [stammers] they work
their asses ofF… Mm-hmm. And they got strong
family values. Essential immigrants. Hey, speaking of immigrants,
how about them asians? Man, fuck,
you know what, brother? You want to light that fuse? Then you better stand back
’cause I got something I want to say
about those motherfuckers. Yeah, I got three words
for you: “estudious,” hardworking,
industrious. Damn straight. Asians are the highest income,
best educated, and the fastest growing
racial group in the U.S. Of a. MM. Plus,
got the highest percentage of college graduates
in the country–good for them. And i–maybe this
makes me sound racist, but those motherfuckers,
they’re gonna save the country. There it is.
You–you went and said it. I just said it. I just came right
the fuck out and said it. It was in everyone’s mind. But I’m the onE… Both: who said it. Hey, and you know what? While we’re at it,
I’m gonna break my spine, tip-tap, dancing-wancing, prancing around the elephant
in the room. Yep. Blacks.
Fucking blacks. Buh-lacks.
Fucking blacks. You know what you done
done did? You opened up the floodgates
now, my friend. Released the kraken. Goddamn victims of institutionalized
“race-mismE.” And despite all that,
they overcame the slavery and the segregation just to
become ceos and entrepreneurs. And hey, one of ’em
is the gosh-darn president. And, I mean, that’s just true
right there. That’s just historical fact,
man. You can’t even argue that. Oh, how ’bout the indians? Fucking native americans. I don’t know
if I could get in trouble these days
for sayin’ something like this, but they were here first. It may be unpopular,
but it’s true. We came to this country,
and we steamrolled on in, and we genocided them. I mean, hell,
we owe ’em something. There you go. I got to tell you, man, that’s not bad
for a non-alcoholic beer. Not bad at all.
All right. I got to go home,
take care of my kids. How many of ’em you got now? Just adopted the 11th.
Oh! Can’t help myself. Man, that’s always
what happens when you volunteer for the earthquake relief
in haiti. Yep, yep, yep.
And what you gon’ do? What you gon’ do? You know, my wife makes 2/3
of what I make. What?
Y’all got the same job, man. That’s just patently unfair. That’s right.
We’re both librarians. [belches] you all right?