• Key & Peele – Al Qaeda Meeting
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    Key & Peele – Al Qaeda Meeting

    – BROTHERS. BROTHERS, LET US BEGIN. I HAVE CONVENED THIS MEETING TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. WHY HAVE WE NOT TAKEN A PLANE IN 13 YEARS? – KHALIV. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. IT IS ALL BECAUSE THE CUNNING AND MIGHTY TSA IS ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF US. – I DO NOT BELIEVE IT! – IT’S TRUE. LAST MONTH, I ATTEMPTED TO TAKE DOWN A PLANE WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS FIVE INCHES LONG. – THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECT PLAN. WHY DID IT NOT WORK? – BECAUSE THE SHREWD TSA, THEY MADE RESTRICTIONS SO YOU CAN ONLY TAKE A FOUR-INCH SCISSORS. FOUR INCHES. – WHAT? – YEAH.…

  • Key & Peele – Dad’s Hollywood Secret
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    Key & Peele – Dad’s Hollywood Secret

    – HELLO, EVERYONE. I’M JOSEPH CARMICHAEL. OTIS IS–WAS MY FATHER. BUT WE ARE NOT HERE TODAY TO MOURN HIS DEATH, BUT TO CELEBRATE HIS LIFE. WE KNEW OTIS AS A TEACHER, A COMMUNITY LEADER, A ROLE MODEL, A HUSBAND, AND A FATHER. NOW, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO SHARE SOMETHING ABOUT HIM Y’ALL MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN. WHEN MY FATHER WAS YOUNGER, HE WAS AN ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD. GOING THROUGH MY DAD’S THINGS, I FOUND THIS REEL OF HIS WORK AS AN ACTOR. I HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET, BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO WATCH, HERE WITH ALL OF YOU TODAY. THANK YOU. – [gasps] WHERE…

  • Staging an Intervention On Air (feat. Shane Torres) – The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder
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    Staging an Intervention On Air (feat. Shane Torres) – The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder

    – Thursday I get to go– – Could be here tomorrow. – To the Gary Clark Jr. Show – Yeah Thursday. – We all meet up at the Beacon, Lou comes, the words you never wanna hear before a hang, he goes “I was drinking with Merc Face before he came here.” – Ohhhhh, primed Lewitski that means he’s. – That’s fucking arm freckle drinking, you know what I mean? (heavy guitar music) (fire crackling) – Who all went to the show? – It was five of us which was very cool of him to hook us up like that. – It’s great. – It was me, Christine, DJ Lou,…

  • Pelosi Presses On & Constitutional Scholars Testify | The Daily Show
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    Pelosi Presses On & Constitutional Scholars Testify | The Daily Show

    Impeachment took yet another major step forward when Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and sober Lucille Bluth, gathered up all the flags she could find for a major announcement. NEWSMAN: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announcing to the country and to the world that articles of impeachment against President Trump will proceed, Pelosi telling the American people that Trump has left the U.S. Congress with no choice but to move forward. Sadly but with confidence and humility, with allegiance to our founders and a heart full of love for America, today I am asking our chairman to proceed with articles of impeachment. Oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh, my…

  • Articles

    Staging an Intervention On Air (feat. Shane Torres) – The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder

    – Thursday I get to go– – Could be here tomorrow. – To the Gary Clark Jr. Show – Yeah Thursday. – We all meet up at the Beacon, Lou comes, the words you never wanna hear before a hang, he goes “I was drinking with Merc Face before he came here.” – Ohhhhh, primed Lewitski that means he’s. – That’s fucking arm freckle drinking, you know what I mean? (heavy guitar music) (fire crackling) – Who all went to the show? – It was five of us which was very cool of him to hook us up like that. – It’s great. – It was me, Christine, DJ Lou,…

  • Democratic Presidential Candidate Andrew Yang’s Campaign for Universal Basic Income | The Daily Show
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    Democratic Presidential Candidate Andrew Yang’s Campaign for Universal Basic Income | The Daily Show

    There are now 15 Democrats running in the primary. That’s so many people. Look at all those faces. Look at all of those faces! They’ve got enough people to start the world’s worst soccer team. And because there are so many Democrats running, many Democratic voters are wondering, “How do I know which one to choose?” Well, for Ronny Chieng, the choice is clear. Here’s his report. The 2020 presidential campaign. Like my afternoon poop, it’s not quite here yet, but I can already feel it. Out of all the candidates, there’s only one I can see myself in. I’m Andrew Yang, and I’m running for president as a Democrat…

  • The Nightly Show – South Carolina Legislators  Discuss Taking Down the Confederate Flag
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    The Nightly Show – South Carolina Legislators Discuss Taking Down the Confederate Flag

    ♪♪ >>MY ESTEEMED COLLEAGUES, GENTLEMEN AND LADIES — (LAUGHTER) ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THIS IS AN INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT ISSUE WHICH HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION, THE CONFEDERATE FLAG. NOW, GENTLEMEN, I KNOW IT’S A BIT DIFFICULT, DUE WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT — BUT WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT WHEN WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE ACTUAL TAKING OF IT DOWN.>>I HAVE NOTES HERE AND WE SHOULD DEFINITELY TALK ABOUT TALKING ABOUT TAKING DOWN THE FLAG.>>THAT’S RIGHT. WHAT WE NEED TO DISCUSS TODAY IS WHEN IS A BETTER TIME FOR US TO HAVE SAID DISCUSSION.>>A FINE SUGGESTION. GUYS, GUYS, HOW ABOUT WE’RE ALL HERE RIGHT NOW. WHY DON’T WE JUST…

  • Chappelle’s Show – Tyrone Biggum’s Crack Intervention
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    Chappelle’s Show – Tyrone Biggum’s Crack Intervention

    REMEMBER WE’RE NOT HERE TO JUDGE ANYBODY. WE WANT TO HANDLE THIS WITH LOVE, RIGHT ? YOU WANT TO TELL HIM HOW HIS DRUG ABUSE HAS HURT YOU, AND HE HURT HIMSELF, OKAY ? HAROLD, WHAT TIME DID YOU TELL HIM TO BE HERE ? 5:00, BUT HE’S ALWAYS LATE. NO, HE’LL BE HERE… IN THREE, TWO, ONE… IS THIS THE 5:00 FREE CRACK GIVEAWAY ? ♪ HE’S BEEN AWAY FOR A WHILE BUT HE’S BACK AROUND ♪ Y’ALL TELL ANYBODY, I’LL KILL YA ! I’LL KILL YA ! ♪ THE KOOKIEST CRACKHEAD IN THE TOWN ♪ PEANUT BUTTER AND CRACK SANDWICH. ♪ HE KICKED HIS HABIT BACK IN THE…

  • So, What Is a Universal Basic Income? – The Jim Jefferies Show
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    So, What Is a Universal Basic Income? – The Jim Jefferies Show

    THERE ARE ROUGHLY 40 MILLION AMERICANS LIVING IN POVERTY. THANKS TO DONALD TRUMP, THAT’S ALL ABOUT TO CHANGE. THE ADMINISTRATION IS CONSIDERING CHANGING THE DEFINITION OF POVERTY SO FEWER FAMILIES WILL QUALIFY FOR GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE. SO PROBLEM SOLVED. I GUESS THAT’S ONE WAY TO DEAL WITH POVERTY, JUST SAY IT’S NOT POVERTY. THAT’S LIKE, IF YOU HAD STAGE CANCER AND THE DOCTOR SAID NO, THAT’S JUST A PANCREAS BRUISE, PUT SOME ICE ON IT. IT’S A PRETTY SIMPLE IDEA.>>THE PROBLEM WITH POVERTY IS NOT HAVING ENOUGH MONEY. THE SIMPLE SOLUTION WHEN SOMEONE DOESN’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY IS TO GIVE THEM MONEY. SO THAT’S MORE OR UNIVERSAL BASIC INCOME.>>IT’S A MONTHLY…

  • The Nightly Show – Pape Pope vs. The Confederate Flag
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    The Nightly Show – Pape Pope vs. The Confederate Flag

    (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >>IF HE WERE SPEAKING TO SOMEONE WHO WANTED TO RAISE THE CONFEDERATE FLAG, HE WOULD PROBABLY START OFF BY SAYING SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT OF, YOU ARE SOME FUNNY, FUNNY PEOPLE. FOR YOU IT’S ALWAYS SUMMERTIME AND THE LIVIN’ IS EASY. YOUR MAMA’S RICH AND YOUR MAMA’S GOT LOOKIN’. YOU’RE A CONFEDERATE, A PROUD SOUTHERN WHITE BOY. YOUR BIBLE IN YOUR HAND AND A SHOTGUN IN YOUR PICKUP TRUCK. A SOUTHERN WHITE BOY, WITH THE SHAME OF SLAVERY RUNNIN’ THROUGH YOUR VEINS. YOU ARE A BIGOT. I AM A BLACK MAN. I HAVE WORKED AND SCRAPED FOR EVERY INCH OF DIRT I WALK ON. YOU CRIED YOURSELF…