• This Isn’t Your Grandfather’s Constitutional Crisis
    Articles,  Blog

    This Isn’t Your Grandfather’s Constitutional Crisis

    WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW, WE HAVE PASSED CERTAIN MILESTONES ON TRUMP’S HIGHWAY TO AMERICAN GREATNESS. ( LAUGHTER ) SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO PULL THE CAR OVER, GET A BREATH OF FRESH AIR, MAYBE PUKE IN THE GRASS. ( LAUGHTER ) TODAY IS ONE SUCH DAY, BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES HAS ORDERED THE PEOPLE INVESTIGATING HIM TO INVESTIGATE THEIR INVESTIGATION OF HIM ( LAUGHTER ) YESTERDAY, DONALD TRUMP SUMMONED DEPUTY ATTORNEY GENERAL ROD ROSENSTEIN AND F.B.I. DIRECTOR CHRISTOPHER WRAY TO THE WHITE HOUSE “TO PRESSURE THEM TO TURN OVER TO CONGRESS…

  • Sen. Bernie Sanders Details His Climate Change Legislation
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    Sen. Bernie Sanders Details His Climate Change Legislation

    HE’S A CROWD PLEASER. WE’RE BACK HERE WITH SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS. SENATOR, LET ME ASK YOU THIS, LAST WEEK THE WORKING FAMILIES PARTY ENDORSED ELIZABETH WARREN BUT THEY ENDORSED YOU IN 2016, SO FOR PEOPLE WHO LOOK AT THAT ENDORSEMENT AND THEY THINK, WELL, THEY MUST BE THE SAME PEOPLE, WHAT DIFFERENTIATES YOU AND ELIZABETH WARREN? HOW AS A CASUAL OBSERVER WOULD I TELL YOUR IDEAS APART FROM HEARSE.>>SENATOR WARREN WILL RUN HER CAMPAIGN AND I’LL RUN MINE, BUT THIS IS WHAT I WOULD SAY — IF YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE ENORMOUS THREAT OF CLIMATE CHANGE, AND IF YOU THINK WE SHOULD LISTEN TO THE SCIENTISTS AND DEVELOP A…

  • Bill & Melinda Gates Talk Taxing The Wealthy
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    Bill & Melinda Gates Talk Taxing The Wealthy

    WELCOME BACK TO “THE LATE SHOW.” FOLKS, MY NEXT GUESTS ARE RENOWNED PHILANTHROPISTS WHO LEAD THE BILL AND MELINDA GATES FOUNDATION. PLEASE WELCOME BILL AND MELINDA GATES! ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) ( APPLAUSE ) >>Stephen: PLEASE. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.>>GREAT TO SEE YOU.>>Stephen: I HAVE INTERVIEWED YOU BOTH. I DON’T THINK I HAVE EVER INTERVIEWED YOU BOTH TOGETHER.>>WE’LL SEE HOW IT GOES.>>Stephen: WE WILL SEE WHO IS THE WORD HOG BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. ALL THESE QUESTIONS WILL BE JUMP BALLS HERE. YOU ARE HERE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR 2009 ANNUAL LETTER. YOU GUYS PUT OUT A LETTER EVERY YEAR…

  • Stephen Colbert Fills Every Vacant Federal Government Job
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    Stephen Colbert Fills Every Vacant Federal Government Job

    HOUSE THAT IS RUNNING ON EMPTY. THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT IS DRASTICALLY UNDERSTAFFED. EACH INCOMING PRESIDENT HAS ABOUT 4,000– SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THOUSANDS OF POLITICAL POSITIONS TO FILL, AND SO FAR, ONLY ABOUT HALF OF THEM HAVE BEEN FILLED BY THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION. IT DOESN’T HELP THAT THEIR CRAIGLIST AD SAYS, “SINKING SHIP SEEKS RATS!” ( LAUGHTER )BUT THERE ARE– ( APPLAUSE )THERE ARE– PEOPLE LOOKING FOR A JOB. RATS! LET’S HEAR IT FOR RATS! BUT THERE ARE A FEW DIEHARDS WHO BELIEVE WE SHOULD HAVE GOVERNMENT, LIKE THE FOLKS AT THE PARTNERSHIP FOR PUBLIC SERVICE. THEY’RE A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION THAT WORKS WITH FEDERAL AGENCIES TO HELP FILL VACANT JOBS. I…

  • Alexandria Ocasio Cortez: Trump Isn’t Ready For A Girl From The Bronx
    Articles,  Blog

    Alexandria Ocasio Cortez: Trump Isn’t Ready For A Girl From The Bronx

    FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST SHOCKED THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY WITH HER PRIMARY VICTORY ON TUESDAY NIGHT. SHE’S NOW ON TRACK TO BECOME THE YOUNGEST CONGRESSWOMAN IN HISTORY. PLEASE WELCOME, ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )>>Stephen: WELCOME TO THE SHOW. I WANT TO CONFESS THAT I DID NOT KNOW YOUR NAME ON MONDAY.>>MOST PEOPLE DIDN’T.>>Stephen: BUT WHAT IS IT LIKE FOR YOU? BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR FIRST ELECTION.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: YOU UNSEATED A TEN-TERM CONGRESSMAN, CROWLEY, WHO MANY PEOPLE HAD THROWN OUT HIS NAME AS THE POSSIBLE HEIR APPARENT FOR NANC NANCY PELOSI. THREE WEEKS BEFORE THE ELECTION THE POLLS SHOWED YOU 36 POINTS BEHIND HIM AND YOU WON…

  • The Constitution Made Heidi Schreck Horny
    Articles,  Blog

    The Constitution Made Heidi Schreck Horny

    MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTRESS AND PLAYWRIGHT WHOSE HIT SHOW, “WHAT THE CONSTITUTION MEANS TO ME” JUST MOVED TO BROADWAY. PLEASE WELCOME HEIDI SCHRECK! ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: WELL, THANKS FOR BEING HERE. THIS SHOW IS– IS FASCINATING. YOU WROTE THIS PLAY, IT PREMIERED OFF BROADWAY. IT BECAME A MASSIVE HIT, AND NOW IT’S COMING TO BROADWAY. GOT IT RIGHT HERE. THERE YOU GO. IT’S “WHAT THE CONSTITUTION MEANS TO ME.” AT THE HELEN HAYES THEATER. FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS.>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: WHAT IS IT ABOUT? ( APPLAUSE ).>>THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. EVERYONE IS APPLAUDING THE CONSTITUTION. THAT’S SO EXCITING.…