The 27 Amendments
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The 27 Amendments


Is this broken? Are you retar–? Hey, you can’t say that! Yes. I. Can. Wait, why am I the slave? I’m the whitest guy here. Get back to work. Hey, wait a minute! Are you even part of the militia? I could be. Fair enough. [clink] Nice. Hey! Sorry. [knock] [knock] [knock-knock] [knock] Hey, can I come in? Why? ‘Cause I’m part of the U.S. militar– [door slam] Hey! You can’t take that without a warrant. Oh yeah? Here’s your warrant! You’re under arrest! What? Why? Guilty! You have to read me my Miranda Rights. Fair enough. Siri, read me my latest text. I found your most recent message from Miranda Rights. It says… You have the right to remain silent . . . [blah blah blah] Good enough for you, Sir? Yes, actually. All right, good. Let’s go. Here we are in the court! Guilty! Looks like a criminal. That’s not even fair. That’s too bad. Order! Order! What does the jury say? Hey, dude!? Well, I guess we’ll set bail then. What does the jury say? I don’t have eight million! Just make it four bucks then. [sigh of relief] Um, Son, what do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be an artist. You should be a policeman! But what about my human rights? Well, fine, but art is useless, Son! No it’s not! My art inspires people! Your mother doesn’t buy enough vodka in this house. You’re right. Hey, you can’t tell me when I can drive. You’re a fed. Oh, state? Alright, fine. Guess you’re stuck with me, Leo. Let’s go! [high-five] Heck yeah! Second place! Vice presidency, here we go! NOPE I ran with the winner, so I’m VP! Let’s go! Wait, I’m a free man now! I don’t have to work for you anymore! I’m ou–! …yes, sir. EAGLES!! WHEEEW!!!! (Wheeeeeeew!!) That’s what it means to be an American! If you want to be one of us, you have to pass a citizenship test, you dirty immigrants! Ugh! Alright, EAGLES!! (Wheeeeeeeew!!!) YEAH!!! [paper shuffling & tapping] . . . mother of god . . . Here’s your month’s salary. Thanks, Boss! And, uh, here’s yours. Thanks! [paper tear] [knife flip] [slice] [thud] uh…. [THUD-CLANK] What took you so long, Honey? Oh, I was just voting for our new senators. That’s nice. Yeah, it was really nice. I still can’t vote. Oh god! Help me! [choking] Hand me my vodka! Dad, you’ve had enough of this. My freedoms! [thump?] No, no, no… please… [thud?] Alright, as you know – [tap] Glaucoma Awareness Month You know what that means, right? [TAP] The 1st and the 3rd, we set up our minions. [tap] [tap] Then, we rig the ballots. We take out key operatives. Then, we fill the deficiency in our ranks. [poke] Then, we fill the deficiency in our ranks. [smack] I become president on the 20th, [pat] promote myself, “Dictator for Life” Finish the job. And then reward myself just in time for the weekend! [STAB] :/ How does that sound? [foosh] –sorry, what!? Gimme my alcohol back… Ugh! [sip, sip, sip…] [thud] This has got to stop. [pop] [gun reload] Never. [pop] [ratatatat] I’m Kansas, and I’m voting for Clinton. I’m California, and I’m voting for Joe Stalin. I’m Texas, and I’m voting for Hitler. Don’t worry, we have a line of suc– Don’t mind if I do… Hey, chump. I want more money. Well, you have to wait until you get voted in again. Uh, Sherif? You want to vote me in again? Who are you again? I’m from Texas. Oh, yeah… sure, sure man. I want more money. Hey guys… Wha–? What happened..? Where..? The cheese! We got to get to Winsconsin, so that we can sue them, Mambo. Let’s go! I’m afraid we can’t let you do that. [snap] [scream] [screaming] Alright, good work, Mambo! What?! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe we got away! Mambo: Mambo! OH CRAAA–! –sh… aha, aha… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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