What is Coercive Control? (Toxic Relationship) – Narcissistic Abuse Rehab
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What is Coercive Control? (Toxic Relationship) – Narcissistic Abuse Rehab


hello and welcome this is M from
narcissistic abuse rehab a safe place where survivors can access awareness
empowerment and healing today we’re going to answer the question what is
coercive control by the end of this video you’re going to understand what
coercive and controlling behaviors are the origins of the construct and how to
recognize the science of this invisible form of abuse that chips away at the
identity of survivors leaving them deeply traumatized if you’ve experienced
coercive control in a toxic relationship please share your story in the comments
below before we get into it I want to say a
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backslash narc abuse rehab they put a link for you down below with that said
let’s dive into a topic what is coercive control the term coercive control was
coined by dr. Evan stark of Rutgers University to describe the hidden
invisible psychological violence many survivors experienced in toxic
relationships here is the British government’s definition coercive
behavior is an act or a pattern of acts of assault threats humiliation and
intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm punish or frighten the victim
controlling behavior is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate
and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support exploiting their
resources and capacities for personal gain depriving them of the means needed
for independence resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behavior
who wears if control is a kind of emotional terrorism that aims to
subjugate the target and give the abusive total
now if you’ve experienced this please comment what it was like for you down
below dr. Starks groundbreaking work influenced the criminalization of this
invisible form of violence in England and Wales in 2015 and this year coercive
control was criminalized in Ireland and Scotland efforts are also being made in
Australia and in the United States an historic coercive control bill is being
sponsored by state senator Kevin s Parker in New York it’s impossible to
criminalize narcissistic behavior but after half a century of research efforts
are being made to put a framework in place to protect survivors from the
narcissists weapon of choice coercive control comment if you think coercive
control legislation will be helpful to survivors of narcissistic abuse or if
you think that there are some better alternatives please share your thoughts
because I think this is a really interesting discussion so well let’s
look at some signs of coercive control number one isolation the abuser will
keep you away from your family and friends number two monitoring your time
the abuser will want to know where you are where you’re going and what you’re
doing at all times number three deprivation of basic needs
the abuser will restrict your access to health care and food and things that you
need for survival number four monitoring your
communication your abuser may use spyware to track your online
communication number five taking control of your daily life
the abuser may control where you can go where you can see what you wear and what
you eat number six put-downs your abuser may repeatedly tell you that you’re
worthless or useless that nobody wants you they may call you degrading names or
make comments about your appearance your body your intelligence etc number seven
rules and regulations the abuser will create a set of ever change
rules which they enforced by humiliating degrading and dehumanizing year number
eight financial abuse the abuser will control your finances making sure you
have little access to money in making you dependent on them
number nine threats an abuser may threaten to hurt or kill to take away
your child to reveal private information such as intimate photos or revelations
about your sexuality number ten criminal damage the abuser may destroy your
personal property for example they may destroy your cell phone or an article of
your clothing number eleven assault or rape the abuser may physically abuse you
or violate you sexually number twelve obstruction of employment the abuser may
stop you from working or earning your own money the impact of this sort of
abuse is long-lasting coercive and controlling abuse harms the survivors
sense of identity safety autonomy and their attachments to other people it’s
so subtle that many times survivors don’t realize what’s happening to them
they often compare it to the fable of a boiling frog in their isolation it can
be difficult for them to have any perspective on this channel we often
focus on the most extreme form of narcissistic personality disorder
malignant narcissism it’s important to remember that narcissism is a spectrum
that ranges from healthy narcissism to full-on narcissistic personality
disorder loser two very different things and within the disorder itself there are
subcategories so if you’re a survivor whose abuser was not malignant you may
not have experienced coercive and controlling behavior guys thanks for
listening try message if you experienced coercive control please share your
experience in the comments down below also don’t forget to like this video and
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we’re that’s it for now be good to yourself I will tuck again soon

4 Comments

  • Just Me

    I had a partner who would even try to control my future. They would shame me for the career path I wanted to choose and constantly try to get me to work in the field that they desired. They will always make the relationships one-sided.

  • Jack Goodings

    Excellent video M. I'm in UK. Local authority police are finally becoming actively aware of non-gendered coercive control.

    The problem I can see is the victim is at risk of being labelled and convicted as the abuser, because they would be unaware it's happening .. very much like how the abuser is able to turn so many folk against us. Yes, I believe the victim is at risk of the abuser using the Coercive Control law against them.

    On the positive, I recognise that it will greatly help raise awareness

  • Miss Kim narc free you and me

    I was very lucky that I was older and a little stronger and independent when I dated my narc. But make no mistake I still was weak fell for everything thinking I would never be a person to fall for such blatant lies and manipulation games as we say they are really good at what they do. And as I stated in my videos and to you miss M is that if it wasn't for his ex wife and having the pleasure of getting to know her and her family I probably would not have recognized it as quickly as I did. As I've openly discussed I spoke to his ex wife when I went no contact. And these were the things that he did to her. He did not rape her but he withheld sex and intimacy for 4 years that was a strong form of mind rape emotional rape. He isolated her he controlled all of the money and she has a very big job at a hospital. When I spoke to her for 3 hours after I had left my narc she had told me how she spent a year in therapy during the marriage alone and her therapist never not one time Came to the conclusion that he was narcissistic and controlling. By the time I had started dating him they had been divorced for 3 years and from listening to the sensitive person he was very weak and easy to manipulate she still did not know that he was narcissistic I sent her some videos and told her that she needed to find a life coach or a therapist that specializes in narcissistic abuse. When I got off the phone with her that day I remember of thinking I thought it was badd just being with him for 16 months I'm so thankful that I did not fall for the love bombing and marry him and move in with him and give up my business and my life like he had wanted me to only 6 months in and I was very firm in my belief that people need to date and be together for 2 years before they plan to move in or marry each other I would tell him all the time it takes a year to really get to know someone and I usually thought that that meant or all really good in a relationship it will just see how well we communicate and work through things as time goes on. I did not realize that by waiting a year that is the mask was completely off it fell during the relationship and was slipping but by the year mark it was completely off And I was learning that he was narcissistic. Another fabulous video with great information you're amazing at what you do

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